Good Fences Make Good Neighbours

I have received happy news!  A date has been set and a new fence has been approved to replace the sadly leaning construction of uncertain vintage currently dividing our strata from a neighbouring block of flats.

My own dear mother has had occasion to remark in the past that she believes I suffer from a touch of S.O.L. (shit on the liver). Meaning that I can be on occasion quite snaky.  My children do not mince their words and have referred to me at various times as a psycho and/or a grumpy old cow. Nevertheless when the occasion calls for it I can lay on the charm with the best of them. Does this make me a master manipulator or does it just indicate that I understand the importance of tone in any effective communication.

Maybe, but in an email nobody can tell!  Any parent can tell you how important tone is.  My enduring rant to my children is along the lines of, "Don't take that tone with me young lady", or, when speaking to my beloved,"Don't speak to me like that, d*%$@#&d"! I am nothing if not hypocritical.

So it was with grave misgivings that I read the exchange of emails I was cc'd in on between my neighbour and the Government employee in charge of approving the construction of a new fence between our adjoining properties.  The tone began as unfriendly and spiralled downwards to scathing.

Unfortunately my neighbour, a very efficient woman, came in like a more soberly dressed Miley Cyrus on her wrecking ball, fuelled as she was by her presumption that the Government Department would be reluctant to cough up the funds.  Her tone was officious, verging on attacking. She expected it to be difficult and it was. The result was poor and, unsurprisingly, no new fence transpired.

As time ticked on and the existing fence listed over further onto our side I decided to wade in to the debate before it fell over in a cloud of asbestos dust.  I fired off an email of my own.  Business-like but with a hint of warmth is how I would have described my initial communication.  By the end of our exchange though I was positively pally and my new best  friend was putty in my hands.  How did I achieve this happy communion?  Firstly I indicated my understanding of the many difficult issues which came across his desk on a daily basis, I was appreciative of his attention, I looked  forward to his response.  I used wry humour to lighten the mood. In short I (metaphorically) peed in his pocket because that is a sure fire way to get what you want.

I could only empathise with the poor bloke whose job it is to sort out this sort of squabble and fill out the associated forms.  It is important to acknowledge that what is of pivotal importance to  you does not register on the radar of other people.  You need to get people on your side, to establish an allegiance, a common purpose if you will.

The old adage:  You win more flies with honey than with vinegar holds true.  I am considering a new career as a hostage negotiator or a cult leader.

Mind you there are other things just as, if not more, important than tone.  A friend who had been pulled over by a police officer remarked in the most obsequious tone, "Yes Orrificer?" Things did not pan out well.

Anyhoo for the nonce I am resting on my laurels.

Sadly sometimes these diputes do not resolve themselves.  Information which may be useful can be found here:

http://www.fencingonline.com.au/disputes/western-australia.htm